i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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