I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize