yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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