So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize