so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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