peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
