Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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