I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize