ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
