the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize