We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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