Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
