high people should be assigned attendants
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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