Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
