I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
