I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
