"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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