I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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