Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Holy sore nipples Batman
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
