omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
