There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Randomize
