Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
