I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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