1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
