Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
