I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
