gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
