I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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