It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
