just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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