you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
