and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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