This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is wine microwaveable?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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