My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
