another moral hangover. fuck.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
