Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
