I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
