what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
