do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this will be a night to untag.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
