please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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