Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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