1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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