From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
