It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
