DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
