That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
