Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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