i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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