apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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