I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize