do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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