i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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