I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
