sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
