Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
