why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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