Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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