just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
