What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize