Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
