it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
