are you still at the devil's house?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
