so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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