Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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