i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
