Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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