Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
