Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
