college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
