rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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