somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we should paint friendship bongs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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