Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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