i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
