We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
