My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
