found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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