you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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