so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
