I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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