i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
