Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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