You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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