Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
