I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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