He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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