We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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