your parents love me but you hate me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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