you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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