My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
