between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
