Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
