I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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