worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
