BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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