I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
