She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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