Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
